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Jimmy

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My Last entry as Blackbelt38 [Aug. 29th, 2005|07:47 am]
"It will do you no good to look to the past through rose-colored glasses. You will see only the good and overlook the bad. This accomplishes nothing positive, and only makes you yearn for a time that never even existed, except possibly in your fantasies. It would be much better for you to concentrate on the people who are in your life now, Jimmy. One of them could turn out to be a long-term companion."

"People often describe you as a sensitive creature. But in the long run, it may turn out that you are fairly resilient to the slings and arrows of life. The day ahead supports this theory. Eventful as the day will be, you won't withdraw and protect yourself. In fact, Jimmy, you'll be the one up on the barricades, defending the ideals of work and family that you hold so sacred. The invaders may be creeping up on you from behind, so unsheathe your sword and prepare for battle!"

Isn't it strange, even though horoscopes are completely bogus, sometimes they make you wonder. The past two in a row are just wierd, but mostly true, aside from the battle part. Its been a long summer, but it's the start of a new beginning. It's time to stop dreaming about the past and start looking towards the future. I know nobody could give two shits about this entry but its mostly for myself. I'm getting rid of this journal because all it does is remind me of the past. Its nothing but depressing memories, there are more important things in my life now, and i should start focusing on those instead. I'll hopefully be graduating soon, getting a great job, and eventually moving away from Nashua. Maybe all this time i have been overlooking all the bad, in hopes that someday things would be the same. I guess i realized that the saying "freinds like us are forever" is false because "nothing lasts forever". I'll be on myspace from now on. just search for biodude (I'm the first biodude!!! muah ha ha...nerd).

-Jimmy
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gettin better each day... [Aug. 17th, 2005|03:19 pm]
[mood | happy]

So today was'nt that bad. There is going to be a Freakin HUGE party on saturday that i got invited to. A bunch of guys from work are throwing this going away/BBQ/Pool/Band party. So basically it consists of getting drunk off my ass (there are gonna be beruit tables set up and hopefully I can play a few games with my Big boss. I guess last year he played a lot of games and got trashed. It should be a good time, i think im staying all day/night. Fucking awesome.
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So Fucking true.... [Aug. 15th, 2005|09:12 am]
[mood | annoyed]

Sometimes you give out more energy than you receive, Jimmy. You tend to support other people emotionally or financially, but sometimes you don't receive from them in return. Today you could notice that you are feeling a bit tired or drained. This could be because of this energy imbalance. You'll feel good if you can pinpoint how things got off track. Then you'll be well on your way to correcting the problem!
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And Rebuild Begins..... [Aug. 6th, 2005|11:08 pm]
[mood | excited]

So today marks the day of the craziest car project i have ever done as of now. Starting next week Jake, Matty, Christian, Chase and myself will be stripping the paint from Jakes car, grinding and filling the rust spots with bondo, prepping and priming the car for paint and hopefully get to use chases dads paint shop for the painting. Its gonna be bumble bee yellow, with a HUGE black biohazard sticker on the hood of the car. LEDs and neon are going in it as well. Its gonna be the most ridiculus car but its going to be so much fun and it will look H-O-TT!! So if everything goes well with the prepping and paint we're going to do my car next but not in a nice color. Well time for bed....
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SSDD [Aug. 4th, 2005|10:26 pm]
[mood | peaceful]
[music |Del Sol: Karma]

Same Shit Different Day. SO today wasnt that bad of a day. Work was amazing because they are starting to train me on a number of different things. Today i learned how to use a Flouroscope to detect HD model fruit flies. It detects a certain protien that is specific to the fruit flies with the disease, really cool, but really nerdy. Tomorrow i think they are going to explain how the crosses are set up which should be fun. I love fridays!! Work treats us to lunch and i usually get to go home after so i think im going to try and go to the beach to get tickets for Jim Brewer with jake and co. Oh and some random guy rear ended my car today on the watertown bridge. Luckily there was no damage. He hit me really hard to which suprised me. My little cav takes a lick and keeps on tickin! So now its my fifth week of working out five days a week too and im starting to see a lot of results. That is seriously the best part of my day, except for bed so goodnight.
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A Great end to a really shitty week [Jul. 29th, 2005|11:03 pm]
[mood | depressed]

So my life has changed a lot this week and thankfully its almost over. I have been in a really depressed mood lately, mainly because i no longer have a best friend, who i still miss. But I still am not sure what to do about this whole situation. I feel akward when i talk to her and it seems like im constantly reminded of what happened that morning. I guess not many people can relate, it might not seem like that big of a deal, but when your the ex and you walk into a situation like i did it was crushing. I really just wanted to fall off the face of the planet, it was not what i wanted to see. But i have been contemplating whether or not to move on from this and go back to being great friends or just moving onto a new chapter in my life. A friend at work told me that it was easy to turn friendships into relationships, but its hard to turn relationships into friendships. Today i went to lunch at a bar with my boss (we both had shitty weeks so we had a few beers and burgers) and he gave me some great advice aswell. Did i mention how amazing my job is? My friends are jealous that i get to go drinking on the job! It doesnt get any better than this, well it can but its still amazing! So i have been a little anti-social this past week too. I have found myself going for an hour car rides throughout nashua, going to the gym every day, and i also started working on my car again. I put in my spare neons in the trunk and set up my blue strobe lights on my rear speakers so when i turn the strobes on they look like cop lights! I think i might go to the beach tomorrow with jake and a few other people but im not sure yet. So i got lots on my mind and i guess its true what they say, that nice guys ALWAYS finish last...i hate being lonely. I cant wait to go back to school.
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I hate junior year of college!!!! [Apr. 26th, 2005|08:55 pm]
[mood | exhausted]

Seriously! I cannot wait until next friday when i get out of my last final. I am going to get so trashed that hopefully i wont remember any of the most stressful year of my life. I cant wait till next semester because my classes are amazing! Hopefully i pass all my classes this year and then all i have is ten more classes until i graduate from college!! I will be the first in our family to have graduated college so its a tremendous accomplishment for me. Anyways, today i was at Wal-Mart picking up some spray paint for my poster and when i was leaving i saw the most incredible sunset i think i have ever seen. It was the best part of my day. well back to school work!! (please shoot me!!)
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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2005|01:09 pm]

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit!

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!!!! [Mar. 27th, 2005|12:14 pm]
random update from wendys!!!! its sooooooo boring and dead right now!!! need customers!!
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(no subject) [Mar. 18th, 2005|11:50 am]
[mood | frustrated]

Sometimes i get hints. They are little hints, maybe im wrong, but when i read stuff that says "i'm moving on" makes me believe that i am being misled. Make up your mind because i really dont care about hurting one another. If thats what you really want, then why dont you just say it? One day, your my best friend, close to me, and saying that you miss me. The next day you are entirely different, saying you dont have time for me and that you are too busy. It would make life so much easier if i knew what you really wanted. You might miss cuddling next to me, hugging me, kissing me, holding me, kisses on the forehead, but thats what comes woth moving on. If you are afraid to move on because of this then you are not being honest to me. if you want me to move on then say it, because i will, but if you dont want me to move on, then give me reasons why i shouldnt. Dont give me hints or mislead me, i used to be your best friend and you used to tell me everything, now you're afraid to tell me anything. If you want to move on then say it, because it will hurt, but i will get over it.

Random poem...

As I look at the stars at night
and dream of what is to be...
My heart begins to smile
for it is you I see.
Knowing that you're close
but yet so far away.
I dream of you at night
and think about you every day.
For every moment without you
seems like an eternity.
I dream of the day we kiss
and I can hold you close to me.
So until that day comes
you'll always be on my mind.
And I will love you till the end
till the end of time.


Someday...
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WTF! [Feb. 17th, 2005|08:18 am]
[mood | pissed off]

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN JUST CHEAT THEIR WAY THROUGH LIFE. WHAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF IS WHEN SOMEONE GETS A BETTER GRADE, WHEN ALL I DID LAST WEEKEND IS STUDY FOR A FUCKING EXAM. I FUCKING HATE SLACKERS. EVEN BETTER IS I DIDNT PASS MY CHEM EXAM, I GOT A NICE BIG FUCKING F!FUCK IT, FROM NOW ON IM ONLY OUT TO BETTER MYSELF, FUCK OTHER PEOPLE. THIS SUCKS. WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS SHIT? WHY NOT JUST QUIT? IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER THAN ALL THIS BULLSHIT. WHATEVER, FUCK LIFE.
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My Life! in a nutshell... [Jan. 27th, 2005|10:54 am]
[mood | refreshed]

So im sitting here in the Riv Library supposed to be doing work for my seminar class, but im kinda slackin right about..........now. Looking through my livejournal i realized i havent updated, well at least a good update. So whats been going on in the life of Mr. Jim you ask? Lots!! I started up school again and so far i can already tell that this will be the best semester of the year. I have all my classes with my friends which is awesome when you are a commuter. I have been living my life here at Riv, mostly in the bio labs. With each passing week i swear i become more of a bionerd. Classes this year are all science except for one class.

MWF 9-9:50 Developmental Bio; 2:30-3:20 Vertebrate Phis.w/lab on W @ 12-2:30; TR 8-9:15 Organic Chem w lab on T @ 9:15-12:30; R Seminar in Biology 1-2; W 6:30-9pm Literature (ick).

I almost didnt get into the vert. Phis. class because it was full but because im such a bionerd i knew the professor and im really good friends with the Head of the Department of Bio. so they "hooked me up" and got me into the class. Im in one class for each of my bio professors which is really cool. My literature class kinda sucks right now because its from fucking 6:30-9 pm at NIGHT!!! its not bad but i have to read alot of girly books, but hey, at least it will go with all my girly features!!(only one person really knows this inside joke! ;).

Speaking of which, i have been on a diet for about two months now and its been working awesome. My first month was basically eating healthier so that i could lose some weight and fat. My diet is basically nonfat yogurts replacing two of my meals while the third is any kind of meal i want. It works great and ive been losing a significant amount of weight. Now the second month and every other month after still consists of my food diet but also i have been lifting 4 times a week running for 40 min a week and basically keeping healty. This is week three of lifting and im already seeing results. no more bitch tits!!! jk. My overall goal is to get down to maybe 200, or 190. I think the last time i weighed myself i was 225-230 of pure fat fucker.

Other things in my life right now, i've been working on my car, took out the blue neon on the top of my headliner, almost finished glassing my rear deck, dynamatted the rear deck and the trunk lid, ordered 17 inch. rims for my car, finally settled down on what kind of body kit i want to get. If i had the money i would definitley have gotten the Xenon kit, but its almost 1000 dollars, so i am going to get the drift kit which is half the price and free shipping. Gonna get a brake job soon and a tune up in the spring, getting quotes on paint jobs for my car but i think im taking it to my uncles dealership so i can get a discount. And to all those people who ask why would you do this to your crappy domestic car? I have no response for people like you because you are the people who will never truly understand what kind of appreciation and passion you have to have for cars. It is something that I got into a couple of years ago and i love every aspect of it. Im especially into show cars, i love them. I also want to make one of the best show cars around here even if it takes me years to get it done, when im done every on will be impressed. I love my cavalier, yes cavalier, thats the kind of car im modding. Its an underdog kind of car which is my favorite part of it. I love underdogs, which is like me. No one really knows my true potential, just like the cav. But when i finally have the money and freedom to do this its gonna be huge when im done.

Okay thats enough about cars. Oh almost forgot, to add to my bio-nerdiness i brought my ps2 in to the genetics lab so that a couple of my friends and i have something to do during the day, rather than just go home and wait around for the next class. Its nice to have all these things to do because it keeps my mind off of certain things. I dont really tell people much about it nor do i really ask for anyones sympathy or comfort. But I did break up with my girlfriend :( it sucks but stuff like this happens in life. I think the thing that sucks the most is that after almost three years im alone again, which never really hits me until i finally go home lay down and have nothing to do. Sometimes, because im still in the habit i think to myself "hey, i think ill call my...oh wait i dont have a girlfriend anymore" as long as i have stuff to do, it takes the pain away and makes me forget about it, but i've learned that you cant always distract yourself by keeping busy. I guess its only natural to someimes get upset and its inevitable. Sometimes having time to yourself helps with the healing process and maybe its helping me get over the fact that we are over. Its great that we are still friends, but sometimes just looking in your eyes almost brings me to tears. Now its just great memories that i'll always have to remember and cherish. I wish we could be more but maybe we are'nt really meant to be together. I dont know and i wish i could know. I guess right about now im walking the loney road. But at least im not entirely lonely. Oh well, i still love her, i guess thats okay because i dont think i ever will stop loving her. She is single handedly the best thing that happened to me during those three years. She really brought me out of my shell and nothing will ever pay her back except for simply loving her. Not the kind of love that relationships have, more of a profound love for her character, kindness, friendship and many other qualities she has. She is the greatest of friends anyone could ask for. Who knows maybe this will all blow over, we get back together or maybe it will blow over and we move on. Who really knows what will happen. I guess fate has the real answers to the questions no one knows. i've typed more than people need to know about my life so i'll end it like this.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

"in the imagination of my own head" - Professor Davis, Org. Chem.

You will laugh only if you know who this spasmodic, ADD-like character is.

thats enough of my life. im out
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2005|09:33 am]
[mood | disappointed]
[music |Drift and die - Puddle of mudd]

Lot of emotions. Lots of thinking. Lots of confusion. Not sure what to do, but at least i have my friends and family.
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I love you my angel, until my dying day...... [Jan. 11th, 2005|10:46 am]
[mood | depressed]
[music |nothing, just my weeping heart...]

i dont even know where to start. This has been a really messed up vacation. In the beginning it was great, i got to work, relax, see some of my friends, and finally get some quality time in with my girlfriend. Problem was that Britt and i have been fighting with each other so much that we decided to end our relationship. It hasnt even been a whole week yet and i can honestly say it was the biggest mistake i have made so far. I feel like so much of me is gone, and i miss her so much. I mean, we are still really close friends and we still hang out with each other but its just not the same. It feels like there is so much missing. I miss loving her, and doing stupid things. Like giving her hugs and kisses, telling her i love her because i still do, cuddling with her, taking her out on dates just to cheer her up, talking all night with her on the phone or in person, sleepovers, the 19th of every month, the feb. 19th of every year so far, the holidays, the birthdays, the beachdays, the snowdays, the movie days, the sad days, the good days, the lazy days, playing videogames with her, tickling her, making her laugh, seeing her smile, watching her get teary eyed when she was happy, i miss everything.And eventhough we are still so close, i seem like im so far away from her. everytime im not with her all i do is think about us. Maybe its a bad dream and i will wake up from it. Maybe somehow i deserved this? maybe there is someone better out there but the truth is i love her so much that i maybe i dont want anyone better out there. I dont know, there are so many thoughts racing through my head. I think the worst part is that when i forget that we have broken up and when i say goodbye after hanging out with her i sometimes slip and say i love you. It feels like when we hang out with each other everything is back to normal so sometimes i forget that were not together. Another thing that makes me sad is when i wake up the frist thing i see is the "i love you" written in chalk on the underside of the top bunkbed because then i think of her. Everything i do reminds me of her. Even when updating my journal there was a converstation we had online that she posted and she said some really nice things about us. in my car theres those stupid little things she put on my windshield from her sunglasses, i work with her, theres so much stuff in my room that reminds me of her, and the first thing i see when i sign on my account in the riv lib. is the wallpaper of her turkey drawing. This sucks so much, i wish i could just turn back time, i wish i could have you back. I wish i could tell you how much i still love you. It was a mistake and im sorry.




I Love You.
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:) [Aug. 31st, 2004|02:26 pm]
[mood | loved]
[music |puddle of mudd]

updated by brittany...

Blackbelt3802: you know something brittany
bouf0521: what?
Blackbelt3802: now that your in college and away
Blackbelt3802: i love you and appreciate you so much more
Blackbelt3802: i am so happy to be with you
bouf0521: oh, you are cute
Blackbelt3802: your a great girl
bouf0521: i am so happy to be with you too
Blackbelt3802: yayyy!
bouf0521: we really are perfect together
Blackbelt3802: i agree
bouf0521: although sometimes we may have our differences and we both certainly are not perfect, when we are together everything feels so right. you make all my worries disappear and i have never felt closer or loved anyone as deeply as i love you
Blackbelt3802: wow
Blackbelt3802: i dont even know what to say to that
bouf0521: you dont have to
Blackbelt3802: that was deep
bouf0521: i miss seeing you everyday
Blackbelt3802: me too
Blackbelt3802: brittany
bouf0521: yes?
Blackbelt3802: i love you
bouf0521: i love you more


i love you jimmy

<3
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(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2004|02:56 pm]
[mood | flirty]

i love brittany so much!!
<3
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sigh.... [Jul. 29th, 2004|03:19 pm]
[mood | bored]

Would have been a nice day for the beach. oh well.
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2004|02:14 pm]
[mood |hurt, lonely, missing you...]

it really hurts when i dont know why you've stopped loving me. But if you need time to think about everything, then i will give you all the time you need to think.
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2004|10:37 am]
[mood |sober]

eeehhh...it sucks being sober again. first time ever camping kicked ass! lots of fun. now back to work...
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I give up [May. 28th, 2004|05:21 pm]
[mood | worried]

i guess im the problem, so i give up. it always comes back to me, i suck at life, i dont know what to do, sometimes i wish i could just leave everyone behind and start over, but i know that wont solve anything. i wonder where im going in life and dont even know if i should try anymore. everyone has something except for me. it sounds selfish, but i got nothing going for me right now with the exception of a few things. i want more but i cant have it. I wish i could of had a normal childhood. maybe then i could have joined clubs and done a few sports, and maybe i could of been accepted, could of had lots of friends, a life. But now things are different and i blame myself for not trying. life's a bitch, i quit.
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